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A terrible secret

I have a terrible secret. Maybe it is more of a gripping fear. I'm hoping that if I write it here I can scare it away. I'm, afraid to think it never mind write it. I promised honesty and sincerity when I took on trying to write a blog post every day (which I have already failed at at least four times).

Here goes... deep breath...I haven't made a painting I really truly like for several years. I'm absolutely terrified that I never will again. I realize that at least part of why I struggle to be consistent in the studio is a mounting paranoia that something happened and I really can't paint anymore. I have ideas, So many ideas but I seem to scare them off. I am listening to so many smart successful people who talk about how overrated talent is. I have to believe that I can get there with hard work, bravery and showing up over and over again and making enough bad work that good work had no choice but to slip through. But tonight was a bad night. I watched a decent sketch get obliterated by some sloppy background painting, then get re-drawn and re-obliterated. Something is wrong and I'm not sure what it is. I'm in a lost in the wilderness moment with my work. All I know is I will keep trying. I'll work on being more present. I'll try to suppress the heartbreak I'm feeling and hope that if I keep showing up my art will take pity on me and take me back.

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